Belonging Page 9

  “Let’s go outside, Rose. I want to talk to you,” Noah whispered hotly into my ear.

  The idea of being alone with Noah sent a rush through my veins. Could we behave ourselves? In a crazy way, the whole structured dating scene in the community was comforting. If you never had the opportunity to do the wild thing, then there was no need to worry about birth control.

  Noah must have felt sure of my answer because he gently rose from the chair, depositing me on the floor. He looped his hand through mine and headed for the door, with more smoothness than you’d expect from a guy with a leg brace on. A quick glance back showed a “go-get-him” kind of smile on Summer’s lips. Miranda didn’t pay any attention to our exit, just staring into the flames and ignoring everyone.

  Noah led me back to the boulders where three horses were standing quietly, tied to trees. I picked out Noah’s old mare, and, pulling Noah with me, I made my way to her. Stopping, I reached out and stroked her chestnut neck. She smelled like warm fur and cut grass mixed together, and I couldn’t help but lean in closer to breathe in the wonderful scent.

  “She’s pretty,” I said running my hand down the wide blaze on her forehead.

  “And slow. But Father insisted that if I went riding, it’d be on her for a while longer.” Noah leaned against the mare, watching me.

  “Are you hurting at all?”

  “Eh, just a little in my leg. It’s hard to ride with a brace on. I can’t wait to get the damn thing off.”

  “You know, my dad would go ballistic if he knew that you were out riding horses,” I said sternly.

  Noah rolled his eyes and then tilted his head, eyeing me in that amused way. “Actually, I’ve been real good. This is the first time I’ve been on a horse’s back—and what, it’s about six weeks now since the accident.”

  I wanted to keep the conversation going, worried that if we stopped talking we’d end up doing something that I wasn’t ready for. “It’s really amazing how well you’re doing.” Reaching up, I lightly ran my hand over his face, saying, “Your bruising is almost gone.”

  Noah closed his eyes when I touched him, and his mouth opened slightly. I wondered if we could be good and just kiss a little bit. My heart began racing in anticipation, but then he opened his eyes wide, and the fierce intensity in them chased the romantic thoughts away.

  “How on earth did you end up out here in that shack with those girls, anyway?” His voice was controlled; he hadn’t passed judgment on me—yet.

  I shrugged and moved over to the boulders, taking a minute to make myself comfortable against the smooth rock before answering.

  “Suzanna invited me to spend the night with her and Miranda. I hadn’t met Summer until a few hours ago, and I certainly didn’t know about the plans to hike out here in the middle of the night.”

  I searched his face, which was now directly above me. He had his arm stretched out with one hand bracing himself on the rock near my head. Having him looming over me like that made the butterflies in my belly quadruple. Why did we have to talk at all?

  Noah’s eyes lingered over my face, making my feelings intensify until he spoke.

  “You could’ve just said no and not gone with them.”

  My physical rush was tempered by his words. “And why shouldn’t I go with my new friends? I never get to spend time with you—and all I do at the Hershbergers is laundry and cleaning.” I shoved my finger to his nose. “And see this bandage? I got that after I spent two whole hours trying to sew a seam that pulled apart on Mr. Hershberger’s pants while I was washing them. I think I’m more than ready for a night out with the girls.”

  I crossed my arms and looked out into the dark trees, but his laugh snapped my head back. “You don’t have to get all worked up. I was just making a suggestion.” He chose then to bend down and place his warm lips on mine. I was stubborn, though, going against my body’s desire.

  I turned my head so that his lips rested on the sensitive place between my jaw and ear. His breath was hot as he whispered, “You know, I’ll give Suzanna credit for being an expert at evading being caught, but what if you girls were found out?” Before I could speak, he put his finger to my lips restraining them. “My sweetheart, you would be immediately sent back to your father, the entire community believing that you were the instigator.”

  I began to speak again, only to have him rush his words out. “And that would be terrible, of course, but even worse would have been if something else happened to you out here in the woods without me to protect you.”

  Okay, he made a compelling argument, but I didn’t even care any longer because when he’d stopped talking, his mouth found mine and he kissed me with such passion that I couldn’t even think.

  Noah’s hand was braver than before, and I briefly wondered about it, as the fingers that weren’t tangled in my hair began to rub up and down my side. Somehow, he lifted me onto the ledge of the boulder without me even remembering it. Before I knew it, I had my legs wrapped around his waist, and he was pressing against me.

  My body felt so alive that I thought I’d explode with the sensations. Noah’s groan and his mouth working on my collar bone certainly didn’t help with the combustible feeling, either.

  I didn’t care about anything at that moment except having Noah as close to me as possible. My body was taking control of my weak mind, and I didn’t have the will to stop it. Noah could do anything he wanted to me, and I would just let him. It was inevitable.

  His mouth left my skin, and he pressed his ear against my heart. His breathing was hard and hot. I could feel the heat from his entire body penetrating the thick polyester dress. A dress that I really wished I wasn’t wearing at all.

  “Oh, Rose—my Rose, I love you so much,” he stuttered the words out between breaths with such strong emotion that I felt guilty that I’d become irritated with him at all.

  He went on, “I don’t take a single step all day without thinking about you—wanting you. And here you are, finally in my arms.”

  He pulled back, locking his eyes on mine. “I couldn’t live without you. I couldn’t survive a world with you not in it—so you have to be good, and very, very careful.”

  I understood what he was saying. But I still felt way deep down, beneath all the raging hormones, that I hadn’t done a thing wrong this night.

  “I think it was sweet of Suzanna and Timothy to do this for us. I mean, I would do about anything to be with you. Being here together like this is a real gift,” I whispered, my words mumbling into his hair.

  “I know, sweetheart. But the quicker the bishop and the church allow you to join, then the sooner we’ll be officially courting. I thought I was done with all this sneaking around.” Noah’s hands were braced on either side of me, keeping me in a cocoon of safety.

  I looked down coyly at him. “So, you don’t want to meet like this again?”

  He chuckled, hugging me close. His nose was against my breast, but only for a few seconds before he pulled back enough to look at me again with a sober face.

  I knew what was coming.

  “Rose, it kills me to be around you and pretend that there is nothing between us. I lay awake every night obsessing about you, and when I do finally fall asleep, you are in my dreams.” He signed deeply. “But we have to do the right thing. It will only be a short time when compared to the rest of our lives.”

  Before I could respond and beg him a little, a crashing sound through the brush stiffened me. I was surprised when Noah didn’t let go of me as Summer, Matthew and Miranda burst into the open space around the boulders.

  “We need to get going,” Miranda stated flatly.

  “What about Timmy and Suzanna?” Noah asked what I was thinking.

  Summer came right over and, putting her hands behind her, bounced up onto the boulder beside me and Noah. She obviously wasn’t shy about physical contact with people who were hugging.

  “They’re coming.” She grinned brightly. “At least, I think they are.”

  �
��Well, they better be, or we’ll leave them here,” Matthew said as he tightened the girth on his dun-colored horse. She was tossing her head in boredom waiting for the humans.

  Noah pulled my head down to his face and said close to my ear, “We’ll see each other Wednesday at youth night. It’s at the Bontragers’ place—you’ll like it there.”

  Really, Noah, I don’t care where the party is, as long as you’re there. I thought it but didn’t say it. Instead, I pressed into his body and let him hold me. I was struggling to keep the tears in, which really ticked me off. There was no reason for me to be on the verge of crying as if I was a baby. It was only a few days away.

  Noah rubbed my back and petted my hair. I just let him, not caring what the others thought—although, with my limited vision, I could see Matthew fidgeting with his saddle. Summer just stared ahead ignoring me and Noah. I didn’t know what was going on with Miranda.

  “You guys wouldn’t dare leave without us,” Suzanna said as she slid from the darkness of the trees. She and Timmy were a whole lot quieter than the three stooges had been.

  Noah lifted me down from the boulder but didn’t make a move to release me. I peeked around him to watch as Suzanna followed Timothy to his horse and then stood quietly while he went through the same routine Matthew had, but much more quickly. Before vaulting smoothly onto his bay horse, he kissed Suzanna solidly on the lips. Matthew was already up and having a time keeping his mare in one place. She continued to paw the ground and snort in irritation.

  “You girls are heading back through the woods, right, Suzanna?” Noah directed his voice to her back since she was leaned up against Timothy’s leg kissing him again as he bent down from the saddle.

  She broke away and backed up a couple of steps. I knew how she felt. It was definitely easier to talk when you were out of touching range from your significant other.

  “Of course, don’t worry about Rose. I’ll get her home safe and sound,” Suzanna purred.

  Satisfied with her answer, Noah turned back to me and asked, “Do you want us to escort you back?”

  I felt a little weak-kneed, but Suzanna broke the moment when she barked out, “We’re going in opposite directions, Noah. Really, we’re capable of getting home.”

  Noah looked at me, ignoring Suzanna’s outburst.

  “We’ll be fine. Unless we get attacked by a squirrel, I can practically guarantee it,” I said.

  I would have loved to be with him longer, but Suzanna was right. There was no point in the boys doubling their time for no good reason. And, if she could tear herself away from her guy, then so could I.

  Noah still looked conflicted, which made me feel very good inside. While he focused on a space in the air just above my head, his face scrunched up in concentration, Matthew’s horse began to bounce in place uncontrollably.

  “Noah, I’m heading out now. This mare’ll have me in a tree if I don’t,” Matthew said, fear peppering his words.

  “It’s all right, go on, before we have another accident to deal with.” I got on my tiptoes and lightly kissed Noah. Just as I was going back down on my heels, he gave me a more serious kiss before he let go of me and went to his horse. Maisy stood quietly for Noah to untie her and mount up. He looked a little stiff swinging his braced leg over the saddle, but all things considered, he did rather well.

  “I’ll see you Wednesday, Rose,” Noah called as he turned Maisy and trotted to catch up with Matthew and Timothy, who were only a few strides ahead. He shouldn’t have been trotting, and I was about to yell out to him when Suzanna clamped her arm around my shoulder.

  She had a sly smile on her lips as she said, “That was a great surprise, wasn’t it?”

  I nodded my head, smiling. “Yeah, it was wonderful—very brilliant of you.”

  “Ha, I can’t believe you almost killed my Timmy, though. You are such a brute.” Suzanna laughed, heading back through the woods toward the field.

  “Hey, is the fire out back there?” I thumbed over my shoulder, speaking to any of them.

  “It’s all taken care of. Don’t worry about it,” Summer chimed in, falling in step beside me.

  “Suzanna, have you met Timothy out here before?” I asked, stretching my legs to keep up with her longer ones.

  “Oh, a couple of times, I reckon,” she said, happily marching on.

  “You have?” Summer squealed. “Why haven’t I heard anything about it?”

  Suzanna slowed just enough to turn her head and acknowledge Summer’s gaping mouth.

  “Ah, Summer, I didn’t mean to keep it from you, but it happened so fast. And you’ve been at the beach with your father for most of the summer.”

  Summer turned to me saying, “My folks are divorced, and Dad and his girlfriend took me to the beach for a couple of weeks.” As an afterthought, she rambled, “It wasn’t much fun though—Sandra brought her daughter and we don’t get along very well.”

  “Sorry about that, Summer.” I didn’t want to be rude, but I was more focused on Suzanna at the moment. “So...like, are you and Timothy behaving yourselves on your secret liaisons?”

  Suzanna stopped and appraised me with sharp eyes before answering. “You aren’t going to tell anyone, are you?”

  “Course not.” I was slightly offended that she felt the need to ask.

  Miranda and Summer moved in closer, forming a tight football huddle. My heart sped up in anticipation of her answer.

  “Timothy and I have been doing it, if that’s what you’re asking.” She spoke without guilt or shame.

  I lowered my voice, which was silly since we were in the middle of nowhere, but I couldn’t help it. “Aren’t you worried about getting pregnant?”

  “Heck, no,” Suzanna burst out. “We aren’t stupid.” Then she lowered her voice for a change. “Timmy wears a condom.”

  “For real?” I said, not even trying to hide the shock from my voice.

  My brain couldn’t handle the thought of an Amish guy buying condoms—or using them.

  “It’s no big deal once you get the hang of it.” Suzanna continued walking, more leisurely this time. She turned to me, asking, “You aren’t a virgin are you?”

  Suzanna’s voice sounded so sure of herself that I inwardly laughed. Did I look like a tramp or something? Wouldn’t that be something if I was the only virgin in the group?

  “Actually, I’ve never...had sex,” I said quietly.

  Suzanna stopped again, grabbing my shoulder tightly. “No way—you and Noah aren’t doing it yet?” The look on her face was pure astonishment.

  “But the whole community thinks you and Noah have been intimate,” Miranda finally said. She was also surprised, her eyes wide with disbelief.

  “Why would they think that?” I wasn’t shocked to hear there were rumors, but you’d think the Amish kids had better things to concern themselves with.

  Suzanna thought for a few seconds. “I don’t rightly know.” She looked at Miranda who shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe it was something Ella said.” She reconsidered. “But the way the two of you were all over each other back there, I thought sure that you’d been messing around with him already.”

  “Good for you, Rose. There are so few of us left in the world,” Summer said, wrapping her arm around me. We continued on our way like that even though it made the going more difficult.

  “So you’ve never done been with a guy before?” I was surprised, but not as much as Suzanna was about me.

  “Nope—there aren’t any guys around here worthy of me.” Summer made a “huh” noise and jutted her chin out. I had to giggle. Suzanna roared with laughter.

  “You are so stuck up, Summer,” Suzanna said when she’d calmed herself.

  “What about you, Mira?” I asked, still joined to Summer’s hip.

  The woods suddenly became very dark and all too quiet. It was as if the earth had tipped just enough to shatter the illusion of a good time. Miranda didn’t speak—and neither did Suzanna, which was the weird part.


  After an uncomfortable minute, I squeezed Summer’s arm. We both kind of shrugged at the same time. Obviously, I’d hit an off-limits subject for Miranda.

  We trudged on along the edge of the field for a while in silence. The activities of the day and night were finally affecting me. I yawned. What I would have done for a cappuccino right then.

  When we turned into the woods in the opposite direction from where we’d come down, I thought I was just confused. I looked around, trying to gauge our whereabouts for the first time, and decided that we were definitely going the wrong way.

  “Hey, Suzanna—we should have turned right back there,” I informed her.

  “We’re taking a shortcut. Since it’s so late, no one will be on the road.” She kept going until I grabbed her arm, holding her back.

  “We promised the boys that we were going home through the woods.” For the first time I felt resentment that I wasn’t the leader of our little group.

  “Ah, come on, Rose. This will get us home quicker—and it will be easier going.”

  She pulled away from me as if there was no room for an argument. Miranda followed Suzanna up the hill like a puppy dog. Summer hung back for just a second.

  “It’ll be fine. Really, we go this way all the time,” Summer reassured me, taking up my hand and tugging me. I had to smile at Summer’s strength and decided to go of my own free will. After all, we had to be fairly close to Suzanna’s farm, and so far she’d had things orchestrated perfectly—except for me clunking Timothy on the head with a two-by-four.

  A few more steps up the incline and we came out onto the narrow country road. I yawned again. It must have been near morning, I thought, checking out the dark sky. Now that we were walking comfortably on the road and I wasn’t expending as much energy, I was beginning to get cold. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I moved in closer to the other girls.

  “What time is it?” I questioned Summer, who pulled her phone from her pocket.